Dryhavich's Breakfast (or his Race to Shamble out of Bed in the Morning)

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Dryhavich
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Dryhavich's Breakfast (or his Race to Shamble out of Bed in the Morning)

Postby Dryhavich » Fri May 29, 2015 2:38 am

I'm bored as hell, so you all are going to bear witness to me spewing drivel on this thread. I apologize if this causes a mental breakdown - there will be no trigger warnings from me. Nope. Never.

First, I pull that goddamn Baltic Rye out of the freezer. That stuff is literally my coffee - rye flour is the dirt that makes Dry's plants grow. I plug the contraption known as a toaster in in a hung-over stupor, and set two perfect quarter-inch-thick slices of that godly bread in the toaster. Don't forget to set the toaster to bake at 400 degrees. Two minutes is all that it'll take. Believe me.

I then take the honkin' norwegian lox out of the fridge and slap it onto a plate. Breakfast without lox isn't breakfast. No. Don't disagree, because you know it's true.

Finally, I pour myself a glass of REAL, unhomogenized, 100% organic (no bullshit) milk, and spread pickled herring upon the bread.

Fish makes a man stronk. If you don't believe me, you can go buy a car from Big Bill Hell's and give them a check for payment (but don't let it bounce, or you're a dead motherfucker). Fish will spawn inside the car and feed upon your manly vigor.

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See? Even Seaking agrees.

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See this man? See this godforsaken, motherfucking exemplary human being? You could be like him too... if you ate more fish.
Cattle die, kindred die,
Every man is mortal:
But the good name never dies
Of one who has done well

-Havamal 76

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