Application: Kraul | OC

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Beleronx
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Application: Kraul | OC

Postby Beleronx » Tue May 12, 2015 2:15 pm

-\\ Incomplete profile, help and criticism are welcome. //-

Name: Kraul Venith
Age: Approximately 1.5 billion years old, but due to an event (explained in the history) a good chunk of his memory was lost
Gender: Male
Species: God, Pseudo Ghost

Appearance: A tall and physically imposing figure, Kraul stands at 9 foot, 5 inches. Usually dressed in long flowing robes, and wearing sandals, Kraul often seemed like an apparition even before he became a pseudo ghost.

Personality: Kraul, due to his vast knowledge, has split his conscience into three parts to manage the information far more efficiently and with less strain on his mind. Kraul is completely devoid of negative emotion, except for annoyance, and mild sadness. Additionally, Kraul is incapable of feeling love. Machina, one of the two other parts of Kraul’s conscience, is completely devoid of emotion. On the other hand, Demens is completely insane, quite energetic, mischievous, manipulative, and even cruel at times. However, none of the three exhibit any major violent tendencies.

Powers:
-Omnilock: The power to exist outside of everything
-Master level Telepathy: The power to mentally receive and/or transmit information
-Minor Telekinesis: The power to manipulate objects with the mind. (Limited to the ability to move objects ranging in size or mass from dust to a marble column. The larger the object, the more strain is put on Kraul’s mind. He is capable of handling up to something as large as a scythe with little difficulty)
-Possession: The power to take control of the body of another being
-Cosmic Knowledge: Access to nearly all knowledge in the universe
-Knowledge Replication: The power to replicate the learned knowledge and skills of others.

Weapons: Kraul’s weapons are his mind, the bodies of others and the occasional sword or stone that he may pick up.

Relationships
Major:
- N/A

Minor:
- N/A

History: As a young god, Kraul enjoyed immersing himself in any stories, archives, and records that he could get his hands on. While his desire for knowledge led to a reclusive nature, it helped him to understand the ways other beings worked. Through his ceaseless accumulation of knowledge, Kraul's mind began to do two things. The first of these was the ability to replicate any knowledge that he accumulated. The second, though it took nearly half his life so far to gain, was the ability to access nearly all the knowledge in the universe. At first, Kraul was confused by this, as it had begun to seem as if he already knew what happened in stories or records, despite having yet to read them. ((To be completed. Im really bad at coming up with good backstories that are coherent and fit the OC. T-T I apologize.))

Trivia / Notes / Other:
-Kraul both envies and admires beings that are more knowledgeable than him.
-(More to be dettermined)
Attachments
Kraul EoP.JPEG
Kraul EoP.JPEG (85.55 KiB) Viewed 1456 times
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Firefluff
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Re: Application: Kraul | OC

Postby Firefluff » Wed May 13, 2015 10:58 am

Guess I'm as good a person as any to post here, so allow me to take you on the magical journey of proper character creation. (There are substantial fees, so make sure you pay these. If you don't, the Application Mafia might pay you a visit, if you pick up what I'm puttin' down.)

Anyway, let's start with the character's species, since that's fairly important.

Species: God, Pseudo Ghost


Like, I don't think a species has ever confused me more than this - and I've seen a lot of weird stuff. What in the blazing hell pits is a pseudo ghost? Is that like when you have phantom limb syndrome and are forever convinced that you're a ghost, but you're really just that crazy guy down the lane that guzzles the blue stuff under the sink and mumbles to himself about obtaining questionable quantities of tin-foil? In all seriousness, though, I'm thinking that such a major aspect of a character is going to need more thought.

Age: Approximately 1.5 billion years old, but due to an event (explained in the history) a good chunk of his memory was lost


Whoa, whoa mate. That is pretty honking old, y'know? We do have characters even older than that, but they aren't just random joe gods that you could get for a nickel in the shady back alley store. Gods like Othinn and Izanagi aren't even that old, man. On the subject of random gods, wouldn't you be better off choosing a god that already exists, rather than play OC roulette? I can understand the need to make something different, but there's literally thousands of gods that you could choose from in any given mythology, so... yeah.

Powers:
-Omnilock: The power to exist outside of everything
-Master level Telepathy: The power to mentally receive and/or transmit information
-Minor Telekinesis: The power to manipulate objects with the mind. (Limited to the ability to move objects ranging in size or mass from dust to a marble column. The larger the object, the more strain is put on Kraul’s mind. He is capable of handling up to something as large as a scythe with little difficulty)
-Possession: The power to take control of the body of another being
-Cosmic Knowledge: Access to nearly all knowledge in the universe
-Knowledge Replication: The power to replicate the learned knowledge and skills of others.


Just gonna address all of these at once, because holy eel socks Batman, he has so many different powers. Most of them have the same issue: they're almost all powers that belong to other people.

Okay, first, omnilock is not only kind of broken, it's basically a rip of Reimu's power, telepathy is Satori's deal, telekinesis is like Not-Renko's power (somewhat), possession is a standard apparition ability so it's fine, cosmic knowledge is basically Bai Ze's power, and power replication is just... no. I can kinda see what you're going for here, but seriously, pick powers that are relevant to who your character is and what they are. If you want to be a psychic, then only have psychic-based powers, if you want to be a god, then find a god to be, then base your powers around that. For example, Takemikazuchi is a thunder/war/sword god, so his powers revolve around those things.

History: As a young god, Kraul enjoyed immersing himself in any stories, archives, and records that he could get his hands on. While his desire for knowledge led to a reclusive nature, it helped him to understand the ways other beings worked. Through his ceaseless accumulation of knowledge, Kraul's mind began to do two things. The first of these was the ability to replicate any knowledge that he accumulated. The second, though it took nearly half his life so far to gain, was the ability to access nearly all the knowledge in the universe. At first, Kraul was confused by this, as it had begun to seem as if he already knew what happened in stories or records, despite having yet to read them. ((To be completed. Im really bad at coming up with good backstories that are coherent and fit the OC. T-T I apologize.))


Yo, were there even archives and stuff like that 1.5 billion years ago? But going back to what I said earlier, you're going to want to make his age much, much smaller. I'd recommend no more than 2,000 years for this character - and even then, that's still really old.

As a whole... I think that the whole application needs to be reconsidered. It's rushed and doesn't fit into the setting very well. If you need further help, it might be a good idea for you to visit the IRC so that we can talk in real time, as this /is/ an IRC based roleplay. You can poke me there and I'll try to help you out as best I can. Until these points are addressed:

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Beleronx
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Re: Application: Kraul | OC

Postby Beleronx » Sat Sep 19, 2015 4:43 pm

Thanks for the advice.

Now, not to argue with the verdict, but just to explain a few things, the "Psuedo-Ghost" is due to the omnilock (Which I had had no idea was already it was already used. The same goes for the other abilities that are apparently taken. Whoops.)
The age thing was supposed to fit with the archives in the bio, cosmic knowledge and (somewhat) the knowledge replication, as it would be more reasonable than some ≤2,000 year old with vast knowledge and skill through little more than reading.
Possession, telekinesis and telepathy were added to allow him severely limited interaction with reality, due to omnilock. The primary purpose of the concept was to act more as an observing scholar, rather than a being of any real influence.
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